Friendship in the Trenches: Loving Other Moms Like Jesus Does

Imagine this: friendship as a grown woman, as a mom, as someone trying to keep her house standing, her kids fed, and her soul intact. Is it possible? It's different. It’s sacred. It’s possible. And if I’m being honest, it’s taken me years to figure out who I want in my life and, more importantly, who I need in my spirit.

You see, I’ve always been pretty picky about who I let into my personal space. Not in a snobby way—I’m just protective. I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone who wants access to your life deserves access to your spirit. There’s a difference. One can text you memes and come over for coffee, but the other? They pray with you. They speak life over your kids. They’ll hold your arms up like Aaron and Hur did for Moses when your motherhood feels like a battle. And girl, this is the kind of friendship we need in the trenches.

The Trench is Real

Motherhood is beautiful, but let’s not lie—it can also be wild, loud, overwhelming, lonely, and let’s not forget... sticky. You’re making dinner while someone’s crying, stepping on Legos like you’re in a live-action obstacle course, and still trying to remember what day it is. In the middle of that, a good friend is not just a want—it’s a lifeline.

You need someone who can laugh with you about the mystery stain on your jeans but also drop a verse when your mind’s spiraling. Someone who doesn’t flinch when you say, “I’m not okay,” but instead says, “Let’s pray.”

I’m blessed to have a small, mighty circle of women like that. Some are moms, some are not. Some are wives, some are single. But all of them have something in common: they understand the weight of intentionality. They know how to show up, how to guard a secret, how to love my babies like they’re their own, and how to hold me accountable while still handing me a cupcake.

Ruth & Naomi: Friendship Rooted in Loyalty

Let’s talk about Ruth and Naomi for a second. Technically, yes, they were in-laws. But the connection they had? It was deeper than family. It was friendship rooted in loyalty and trust.

When Naomi had every reason to believe she’d be walking through her pain alone, Ruth looked her in the eyes and said:

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16)

Listen- that’s ride-or-die, Spirit-led, come-what-may friendship. It’s not always loud. It’s not always daily phone calls or matching t-shirts. Sometimes, it’s just someone sitting next to you in silence, refusing to let you fall apart alone. We all need a Ruth. And honestly, we all need to learn how to be a Ruth.

Who Has Access?

Here’s something I had to learn the hard way: not everyone who walks with you in one season is meant to run with you in the next.

Friendship is not just chemistry or convenience. It’s discernment. I had to learn to ask, “Can this person carry the weight of who I really am?” Not the me with the filtered photos and the cleaned-up living room—but the one who cries in the shower, questions her calling, and sometimes just wants to disappear for a day. Can I hold this person accountable with love and they accept it with an open heart instead of taking offense to it? Vice versa.

The women I keep closest? They’re not perfect, but they’re present. They know boundaries. They understand loyalty. They respect commitment. And they speak words that build up, not tear down.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)

They sharpen me. Spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes with a gentle side-eye when I need to check myself.

SpongeBob, Dory & Biblical Wisdom

Okay, let’s have a little fun. Not all soulmates are found in Scripture. Some are found in Bikini Bottom. Yes, I’m talking about SpongeBob and Patrick—loyal, weird, and always down to support each other’s chaos. Or Dory and Nemo- Dory might forget every detail, but she never leaves Nemo hanging. That kind of friendship, imperfect, quirky, but deeply loyal, is underrated.

And while we’re at it, let’s not forget David and Jonathan. Their friendship was defined by sacrifice, loyalty, and genuine love (1 Samuel 18). Or Mary and Elizabeth—two women in completely different stages of life, both carrying miracles, encouraging each other through the unknown. Biblical friendship isn’t about being the same. It’s about being in sync—with each other and with God.

Speak Life to Me... and My Kids

This part is huge for me. When I think about who I let into my home, it’s not just about who

vibes with me. It’s about who brings light and life into the space where my children are being formed, where my husband finds his peace, and where I serve my family.

I want friends who speak life to my kids. Who affirm their uniqueness, pray over them, and show them what community looks like. I want my home to be a place where truth lives, not just trends. Where laughter is holy, and where discipline is covered in grace. The people who come into your space influence the atmosphere. They leave behind words, energy, and sometimes—unintentionally—their baggage. So yes, I’m picky. Because this isn’t just a house. This is a place of legacy. This is my sacred space.

Now don’t get me started on anointing your home—because that’s a whole other blog post. But let’s just say it starts with who walks through your door.

Finally, Love Like Jesus

Jesus had twelve disciples, but only a few were in His inner circle. Even He understood that depth doesn’t require numbers. It requires intentionality.

Loving other moms like Jesus means seeing them. Sitting with them. Celebrating them. Covering them in prayer. It means not comparing your chapter 3 to their chapter 20. It means being honest when you’re struggling, and generous when you’re winning. It means showing grace because He shows us grace.

If you’ve found your tribe, hold them close. If you’re still searching, ask God to send you a Ruth, a Jonathan, a Mary or even a Spongebob. And while you wait, be the kind of friend you’re praying for. Because in the trenches of motherhood, faith, and womanhood—we were never meant to do this alone. Love big. Pray hard. Choose wisely. You’ve got this, mama. And I’ve got you in prayer.

xx

Santa Naisha